


Our life to remember

by lillylanden



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Boys Kissing, Developing Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-15
Updated: 2019-10-23
Packaged: 2020-03-05 19:35:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18835336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lillylanden/pseuds/lillylanden
Summary: Harry Kane has never had the gift for the impossible. He was an ordinary lad, with ordinary abilities, living with an ordinary family, on an ordinary street, in an ordinary house. And this is his lifestory.





	1. My normal life

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Harry Kane has never had the gift for the impossible. He was an ordinary lad, with ordinary abilities, living with an ordinary family, on an ordinary street, in an ordinary house. There was nothing really important about him and nothing really unimportant about him either. He was normal and that was at the moment a very bad thing.  Because Harry had a big dream that involved him becoming a football player, a world famous one, a legend but since he was just ordinary, nothing would really come out of it. His school coaches said he could make it and his family supported him but it just simple wasn't enough, because he was normal. 

Harry hated that word, the limits it suggested. You could go from nothing to something, from everything to nothing but you can't be normal and then something else. If you are normal, then you are always normal.

His mother told him it was just his brain putting up limits, his father told him he was sulking and that was a bad look for a young boy, Charles claimed he was stupid because he should be glad he was normal, then he would never have to worry about someone bullying him for the way he spoke. After that, his mum gave Charles a look and Charles left the dinner table. Harry looked at his mother's face, the smooth skin, then he looked at his father's face, seeing open eyes and laughing wrinkles.

I will be best in the world, he told them, I will be best in the world.                                 

They nodded and patted him on the head because that's what parents to a normal boy does, they support his dreams but knows that they are just that, just dreams. 

At the moment Harry went to school in a academy linked with Tottenham and he did play fotboll there, enough so that his coaches said he was good, but never really good. It was irritating but he kept dreaming, the school had a wall of people having done the impossible and he really wanted to be up there one day. So he kept believing and dreaming but he didn't get any better. 

One day David Beckham came to visit and that was the first time Harry had felt any special ever, because for once his teachers choose a normal person to do something noticeable. Katie Goodland was chosen as well and Harry believed his luck had turned, she was pretty and clever and not normal and maybe he was finally taking the step to become something else. They talked with Beckham, got a photo and before the day was finished he tried to kiss Katie, like lads was supposed to kiss pretty girls but she laughed in his face and he remembered; once normal, always normal. He would not get to kiss a girl this year, he would not start playing for real this year and he would not get extraordinary grades this year. 

That night Harry cried over his dream that would remain a dream, like he had done so many times before.  

 

Another year went by, the entire family visited Italy and ate a lot of ice cream, pizza and spaghetti. When they got home Grandma was sick but she recovered because a dead grandma would not be normal, not that Harry wanted his grandma to die but.

School started as well but he wasn't allowed to play any of the games because he was to chubby but he wasn't chubby enough to lose his place in the team so he ended up spending his time on the bench, looking at Katie Goodland kissing her new boyfriend Jack Frelli. Frelli who everyone thought was going to be the best player of their generation. Harry wanted to be a player of this generation. 

 

It was December, the snow was white on the ground and that meant a lot of people didn’t want to play football but instead wanted snowball fights and ice skating. True to that fact, ten people had called in sick today, including Frelli and Harry saw, for the first time, that a teacher could be mad at someone despite liking that person.

Their numbers meant he, Harry, had to play, had to play for the first time in over seven months and Harry didn't know if he should be scared or happy. His brother was sitting on a bench with an arm around his new girlfriend, he was wearing a Tottenham shirt because he was going to the real game tonight. Harry didn't watch other people live his dream, that hurt too much.

“Kane, you're up, make sure to do something useful!”

He got a clap on the back but heard in the coaches voice that he didn't really care about what would happen, Harry was after all normal so you could expect something of him but not so much. The game was hard, Harry had never breathed so much for his entire life but it was all worth it when he scored. It was a banger, 32 yards, left top corner in. The goalkeeper didn't stand a chance and suddenly he was surrounded by people hugging him, kissing him, shouting his name. Harry didn't really care about them, he was still watching the gaol and the boll. The feeling of scoring, it was like sinking into a warm bath, it was like tasting your favourite food, it was like finally finding an old friend he had never met before. Harry knew this was what he wanted to do for the rest of his life, he also knew that if he really wanted to succeed he would have to put his heart and soul into it. They lost the game 2-1.

 

The next week the coaches actually involved him in training and Harry had never been in so much pain as he was after the first day. When he came home he had to lie down and rest but mum made warm chocolate and Charles wasn't there so everything worked out fine. The next day it didn't hurt so much and the day after that he was allowed to start practising for real, with the ball, like last year and Harry realised something again. When things are down, keep believing, keep working hard and things would pick up. Harry kept working hard and in April he got to play his next game, he won it by scoring a hat trick in the first 20 minutes and after that he was a starting player. Altogether he scored 15 goals in 10 matches and Harry started to believe, once more, that maybe he had finally left normal behind.

 

It was prom, he hadn't gotten a date but he went anyways because it felt like something you should do and because he was celebrating, one of the coaches had pulled him aside today and told him Tottenham was picking him up in the adult team. It felt like the world was before his feet, like the road ahead was a straight line and soon he would be up on that wall amongst all the the other impossiblenesses. Katie was there, without Frelli, apparently she had dumped him after Harry had taken his place. She smiled at him now when he came up beside her and he smiled back but asked one of her friends for a dance instead, she had laughed at him once and he wasn't prepared to forgive. The night was like any other night, a lot of talk, a lot of noise and a lot of moving bodies. It was nothing like on the football pitch and it was nothing Harry really liked but it was normal people who didn't like parting and he wasn't a normal person anymore, so when the girl he was dancing with asked him if he wanted to come to the after party he agreed and they left in a big group.

On that party Harry tasted alcohol for the first time, he despised the tased but all the other cool kids did it so he kept drinking even if it made his head spin, his legs wobbly and his mind slow. 

Despite being so affected he kept trying to impress because this was where he belonged, amongst the cool kids. During the party he became actual friends with Katie and they walked home together. Outside her house she let him kiss her, she didn't laugh but there was no fireworks or magic and Harry got worried it was his normality coming back to stop him so he ignored the feelings telling him he didn't like this and kissed her some more, feeling her tongue in his mouth, before she pulled away, smiled and went inside.

On the way back home Harry's feelings was in turmoil and he did what he had found helped, he played football in the backyard until the sun gave the world color again in the morning. Then he went inside and smiled and acted like he had been with a girl for the night causing Charles to shout something about him finally growing up, dad to make a face behind the newspaper and mum to ask if he had been protected. He didn't answer and ate his sandwich in quiet before going up to his room and falling asleep still dressed in a normally expensive dress coat.

 

He got the deal for Tottenham but after the first training session he realized that no, just because he had been better than good at school, that meant nothing now. The people here was legends and he was just a normal boy with a big shirt and too much weight. It didn't take long until he was put on loan to the lesser clubs and realising that he wasn't even close to be better than normal, that took some hard blows to his self esteem. If it hadn't been for the other lads coming from big clubs, al out on loan as well, he would have given up but there was so many and his mother told him everyday over the phone that this was normal, that this happened to everyone so he kept kicking the ball and one day it went into goal again. 

One weekend he was home, visiting his family. Charles had a new girlfriend but she didn't say a word so Harry barely registered her. Mum had grey strays in her hair but it was still her soft smiles and her voice when she told him he was amazing and it was the same voice she always used, the voice that said he was great but meant he was what she had expected and nothing more.  Harry agreed, he was nothing more than normal but he was still a footballer and he got to score goals and maybe that was enough. 

On the evening some friends from school came over, Katie was there and when they went to the cinema she sat beside him grabbing him every time something scary happened on screen. Afterwards they ate in a restaurang and for the first time Harry realized he had more money than his friends. Despite not earning any odd numbers among his teammates, not to much and not to little, he had more money than his friends. He wondered if normal could have different meanings amongst different people, his salary wasn’t normal in this company but it was at work. Learning that was interesting and important and he took it to heart. 

Because of the income difference Harry paid for all of their dinners, they ate meat fondue and afterwards they had toblerone fondue and Katie fed him a chocolate dipped banana piece asking if she could come and visit him at the club someday. Harry told her she could and just as they had done in the beginning of the summer they kissed outside of Katie's house, he felt nothing this time either and while she went to bed with a smile on her face he stayed up dribbling a ball around a tree until he was dizzy.

Mum drove him back to his apartment, close to the club location and in the car they talked about everything from tiny bugs to where they should celebrate christmas this year. Dad wanted to go abroad but Harry might have games, which he would sit on the bench for but still, he had to be there so if his family went on Christmas holiday he would not be able to join. That was an odd feeling, discovering that your’s and your parent’s lives aren't the same.  

Mum slept over because of the long car drive and  he had forgotten she snored in her sleep. 

He was bought by Arsenal in January and everybody thought it would change everything. Now he would be a star, now his dream would come true, now for the first time there were an actual chance. His family all changed their allegiances, they bought new Arsenal shirts, watched games from before, learned the players names only for Harry to be put on a bench again. He was a second priority at the club and when they did let him play something they put him in midfield. Since he got to play he didn't say anything or complained but his entire body sang after the thought of getting to score again. 

Once during a game he did, against Tottenham of all teams which made him almost lucky nobody except his family had learned al the players names so there was some claps but nothing else, he felt joy but couldn´t share it with his team mates or the fans. No one knew he was playing for scoring and not for the club.               

Harry knew he was not developing at Arsenal, he knew the training sessions didn’t help and wouldn’t turn him into a superstar, he knew he had to do something himself. So he started staying after training sessions, over and over again shooting at that goal from every angle he could come up with but he was alone and the only thing he was fighting was that old fear of being normal, that fear he had thought he had forgotten. 

In february Katie came to visit and Harry lost his virginity, nothing to brag about and nothing to think about. Arsenal was selling him in the summer again and he wanted back to Tottenham. He wanted up on that wall in school, even if benchwarmers usually didn´t. 

 

In April, he and Katie broke up, not because they had ever been together but because she didn't want to be hold back by him. Harry wondered who the next Frelli would be. In May he got to play a match, once again thanks to injuries and he scored a goal, not a stunner, but a gaol. His first header and he screamed this time, loud and clear but inside in half time he was yelled at for not being in his midfield position were he was needed. He didn't score more for Arsenal.  

 

In the summer Tottenham did buy him back and the new team nodded at him when he came, no one counted on him pulling his wait for the club but he was one of their own. That was the first time he had ever gotten anything because of his background and Harry realized he didn't like it, he wanted to get things because of him not because of where he was from or who his parents was. After the training session, he did like he had done at Arsenal, he stayed and practised his shooting. As usual he was alone but it was still scoring and it made him happy.  

The day after that one of the coaches who had seen him through a window yesterday stayed outside with him and helped, it was the first time someone except his parents had put their time on him not because it was necessary but because they wanted to.  Harry learned some very helpful skills and after that, it was the two of them after training, together challenging Harry's will to score in any way they could come up with. A week went by.

 

The week after that another coach came as well and suddenly they were three. That did a lot different because suddenly he had to pass defenders to get to his goal. Harry learned and learned and learned.

Five weeks after that, when the season was about to start, the manager stayed. It was odd, a manager staying to watch him fail and fail and fail only to win once and then fail and fail and fail again. He thought that he would be kicked out from the club after that, wasting important peoples time when they had better things to do, but instead, afterwards, the manager clapped Harry on a shoulder.

The next day in training when they did a practice match, he was placed in a strikers position. The drive to score took over and he scored 24 goals in half an hour. For the first time in Harry's life he saw, on the faces of the people around him, not the look everyone gives a normal person but the look of interest only someone who can do something for the club can attract. Harry found he liked being looked at that way. 

 

They lost their first match and Harry was put on the bench for the next one but he kept practicing after training and other players had started joining him as well. Mostly Christian Eriksen, he was from Denmark and they both had problem understanding each others speech but not each others play. They worked together on that pit, in sun, in rain and in snow for a month before they were put on the field together, against Arsenal, they drew. Next, Harry scored a hat trick against Leichter with two assists from Eriksen who also got a goal. Nobody knew their names yet but Harry could see in the faces around him that it was starting, he had taken the first step to becoming a part of that wall. After that game, he and Eriksen became the clubs first choice and after two more months, the home arena started singing their name in the chants. It was impossible and odd and scary and Harry knew for certain that he was on his way away from normal but he had a long way to go to become something else, but instead of relaxing like he had done before he kept on believing and he kept working hard. Things would always pick up and he would always become better.

 

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	2. The Impossible

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dele Alli was the impossible, he was anything but normal, his face a map of beauty, his skills extreme, his way of behaving not fitting and his laugh maddening more so by every passing second.  
> No, Dele Alli was not an ordinary boy in a world that expected the impossible, Dele Alli was something impossible in a world not expecting anything of him and Harry was jealous.

It was 2015 and a new season was on the brink of starting. It was the first day back and everyone was shaking hands with everyone. Like Poch had asked them to do last year. Habits took time to form but when formed they were there to stay. 

As usual Harry had gained weight, he had done everything to keep it down but he and his family had been to Italy again and that meant a summer of ice cream, pizza and pasta.  
Something less interesting during the summer, he and Katie had had a tumble again but nothing serious, she wanted to move in with him but he really wasn’t ready even if he did know it might be time. No matter, right now he longed to get back into the game, to score again. 

They had some new players this year, one of the most exciting once was Dele Alli, they had signed him in January but he had wanted to finish the season at MK so he had been allowed to. They had also signed Heung Min Son from a German club, he was a summer signing and starting directly. 

Harry had a good feeling about this year, this was the year he was truly leaving normal behind. 

 

Christian was sitting on the sofa and Harry joined him. They shook hands, joked around and filled each other in on their summers. Christian was married and had spent the break at home with his wife. Most of the players had wifes or at least girlfriends living with them. It was something that was supposed to happen and Harry wanted to do that to, get married and have a family but the thought of marrying Katie made his whole body aggravated, the thought of having to wake up to her beside him in bed everyday, it made him feel sick. If they where to move in he would constantly have that feeling of being supposed to feel something but feeling nothing in his belly and he just couldn't stand it. He felt suffocated in her pressens and when they where having sex he could only get through it by thinking about other things. All of that scared him because he didn't understand it. Not liking having sex with Katie, it didn’t feel normal but everything about him was normal which meant that much be to.  
When everyone had arrived he and Christian left the sofa and listened to the start up speech. After that some new introductions was made and like that a week had gone by.

Harry was focus on football and that meant he didn't care about anything else but football, but football involved a team and that involved socializing and making the team one unit. 

Son was easy, he fit perfectly into the group with struggles, jokes and skill. It was clear already after that first week and already on the second day with them when he started staying after practice, to practice some more with the rest of them. 

It was different with Dele. 

Dele Alli was the impossible, he was anything but normal, his face a map of beauty, his skills extreme, his way of behaving not fitting and his laugh maddening more so by every passing second.  
No, Dele Alli was not an ordinary boy in a world that expected the impossible, Dele Alli was something impossible in a world not expecting anything of him and Harry was jealous. He was jealous of the easy simple smiles his team mates gave the new boy, he was jealous over the attention Katie gave him the first time she saw him, having waited for Harry in the parking lot outside the training grounds, he was jealous of the headlines calling the boy the new english wonder. 

Harry didn’t feel relaxed in the other man's company and when Eric Dier made Dele stay for their after session training, that had almost become obligatory, Harry really really badly wanted to leave. Dele took to much in the same time he didn’t take anything. Everybody felt they knew him but when asked they actually knew nothing about him. He was the center of everything but in the same time nothing. Harry hated that this boy could come in and in a second be everything Harry had ever wanted, without even trying.  
The only thing making it bearable was the fact that he actually loved football, maybe as much as Harry loved scoring and he was good enough to make their chances of winning even bigger. A chance for the team was a chance to get to score more and he would never risk that opportunity so he pressed down his discomfort when Dele was around and forced himself to join the conversations he was in, at least once a day. His montra repeating itself in his head: Keep Believing, Keep working hard, Things will pick up. 

The season started and as he had guest the new signings brought a lot to the club, new skill and new energy. Son Heung Min scored, socialized and ran and Dele Alli created possibilities from the impossible. The big problem was Allis mood, he would kick the opposite team players, dive for no reason, say ugly words in proximity to the referee and an even bigger problem was that everybody seemed to forgive him as soon as it happened. They would give him a harsh word but in the next second clap his shoulder and tell him that he was amazing. For Harry, who had had to fight his entire life to be allowed to be here, who had never willingly done a bad thing because he could not risk his career, who loved football more than anything. For Harry, it hurt seeing Dele Alli being forgiven like he was a three year old toddler, not knowing the severity of what he just had done. 

Making that problem bearable was Eric Dier. When Dele was having a fit he would step between Dele and the rest of the team, like a shield. When Dele was having a touchy day he would be there allowing Dele to cling to him instead of the rest of the team. When Dele was happy he was there and smiled back, always no matter the reason for the happiness. Eric Dier had taken Dele under his arm and they put all of their time on each other which meant Harry and the rest of the team only had to smile and shake their heads at the problems arising around the main teams youngest member. Sometimes Harry would wonder how Eric had the energy for what he was doing and think that they should maybe help him because they were a team and Dele had become a necessity if they wanted to win but he didn't care enough to do anything, Eric and Dele was a unity and no one interfered with their relationship. In the cafeteria they would sit beside each other, in training they would be paired up together, in private activities you could never invite one without inviting the other. 

The fans loved it, they would cheer on them and support them like a couple. Harry thought nothing of it because he cared about scoring not the other things, he knew Eric didn’t care either because he saw it as a joke but Alli apparently cared. They were playing a game against Arsenal and some player in the other team said something about Dele going down easy and suddenly a real fight occurred. It was Harry’s first real experience of a fight on the pitch and he was standing outside it, hating on both teams for wasting the time like this, mostly he hated on Dele for being in the middle of it, for letting some nobody interfere with the game, for throwing a real punch and getting a red card which meant he was of for at least three games onwards. Harry hated that he had done that because now their chances of getting points had lessen by 50%. After the game Harry didn’t/couldn´t hold up the act like he used to do in the dressing room and for the first time Dele seemed to understand that what he had done wasn’t okay. Of course Eric took the top of it by patting him on the back and whispering in his ears until a smile was there but Harry could still feel Deles eyes follow him when he changed.  
The buss was quiet on the way back and Harry knew that from now on his dislike for Dele would interfere with his chances of scoring. He had to find a way to fix it.

Katie was laying naked on the bed when he got home, how she had gotten in he had no idea and he didn't ask, he just turned around in the door to the bedroom and went into the kitchen instead. After a minute she came out to in his favourite bathrobe.

“I thought you won?”

“Dele Alli got booked.”

“But you don’t like him.”

That was true so Harry didn’t answer anything, just got a cup of tea and sat done to watch tv. He wondered if she could have made a secret copy of his keys but that felt extreme and like something that could only happen in movies. She sat down beside him but didn’t cling, maybe catching up to the fact that he didn’t want that. 

“Harry!”

He turned looking at her. She didn’t train football like she had used to and she was starting to get chubby, his childhood affected him still so much that only the thought of that was disgusting. Being fat was not okay, it would not lead to a future within football. Not that that mattered to Katie but he still had that voice in the back of his head. He put the tea away, there were calories in it, before looking into those blue eyes again. 

“Have you thought about it?”

She asked impatiently. He knew she meant her moving in, the true answer was; yes, he had thought about it but the answer was and would remain, “no thank you” but that would make her sad so instead he said that he hadn’t ,which made her role her eyes. 

“You should, I don’t like waiting and it’s not like your the only guy in town.”

Katie got up and went away to change before leaving the apartment by shutting the door with a big bang. Harry understood that they were done, at least for this month. 

He went to bed and it was big and warm and cozy.

The next day Harry just banged ball after ball into the back of the net. It calmed his stormy feelings and at the end he was actually calm again. After session they practiced passing and as usual Eriksen blowed everybody’s mind. Dele was standing with an arm around Eric for most of it, watching but at the end they joined in and Dele nutmegged everyone of them at least once and when they all turned on him he ran away into the changing rooms. Eric laughed while watching him disappear. Christian patted Harry on the back and they did some more shooting just because Dele wasn't there and Harry could relax more. Most of his teammates had realised, and despite not thinking he acted like a grown up, did accept it and did their best to accommodate both him and Dele. 

 

A new season started. They lost a game because Harry couldn't find the net despite having had 6 chances and the news articles starting coming in that Harry was a one season wonder only. That night, he was back to his old self, depressed, crying, moping in bed. His dream would get ruined, he was so close and now everything would turn to rubbish. Harry couldn't sleep for the rest of the night and went to training, sure he would be put on the bench again.  
But he wasn't.  
They were giving him another chance and Harry took it and did everything he could with it, he practiced and practiced and practiced but he didn't score the next game either, or the one after that, or after that. He was basically sulking and crying so much his eyes were so dry, it was hard to blink, when they walked into September. The team was still supporting him but Harry knew it wasn't for long. He knew he would be put on the bench after that but then the impossible happened, Dele Alli did one of his magic tricks and suddenly Harry had scored. In training the next day he actually smiled at Dele when he jumped on Eric´s back and got carried one lap in training, around the field, before the coaches interfered. After practice and after extra practice a coach reminded Harry that it was team dinner on Friday and that he was very welcome to invite Katie. 

Harry didn’t want to bring Katie or even ask her to come so he came alone, like he used to. The music was loud, the dance floor already stocked and he ended up in a corner watching people. Partying still wasn’t his thing and he only had to stay one hour during dinner, which hadn’t even been served yet. The music got louder and he wondered if his ears was starting to bleed when one of the paper workers came up to him and dragged him onto the dance floor. It was a man named Jackson, tale, dark, handsome with blue eyes. His laugh was a bit to loud, his hands a bit to everywhere and his way of talking a bit to annoying but Harry followed his moves and let him lead on the dance floor. When dinner got served they sat beside each other during it and afterwards they danced some more before stopping to watch Sonny perform Gangnam Style up on a stage and everyone rolled there eyes and laughed when he starting singing to, it was taking so much attention that Harry snuck out after another teammate joined Sonny on stage. He didn't get far, in the doorway to the stairs down to the parking garage, he was stopped by Jackson who had grabbed hold of him. Those blue eyes were bottomless watching Harry with intent and something else. A weird feeling Harry couldn’t escape took over, it felt like tingling in his belly, it felt like a flowery opening for the first time, it felt like the moon was finally checking in. It was a feeling he had never felt before, a feeling that didn't make sense because he didn't know this man infront of him and Harry pulled away scared of it and almost ran to his car. The feeling mostly scaring him because he didn’t understand it. It felt almost like desire but he didn’t feel desire, never had, never would. Or at least he had thought so.

The car door got up and he sunk down in the seat looking into the wall of the parking house through the front window.  
He wondered if he was homosexual, that would actually explain a lot but in the same time nothing. It would mean he had led Katie on for nothing, it would mean he would forever be alone because if he had to choose between loving someone or scoring he would always choose scoring. The reason for having to chose was the fact that football didn’t accept people who wasn’t heterosexual at least he didn’t think so, he actually didn’t know for certain. They didn’t talk about it so much, which he now thought was stupid. Harry shook his head, remembering that he didn’t care about those things, sex was overrated and as long as he got to score he would be fine so he took a deep breath, closed the car door, turned on the engine and drove out and away. 

Seven weeks went by, they played a lot of games and he scored a lot. The ball under his feet, his foot connecting, the ball in the back of the net. He loved it and it covered up the bad feeling he had gotten after finally ending it for good with Katie. She had not believed him after their first discussion but after the third she had cried and after the fifth she didn’t try to call or show up any longer. It was a relief and he could once again focus one hundred percent on football again, he was becoming great. 

They won two matches more and Harry scored in both which meant he was over the top happy and had almost forgotten his jealousy against Dele when they ate dinner that weekend at Eriksen´s. It was a delicious meal with mashed potatoes, grilled tomatoes and a steak. Harry’s mood was so good that he even went into a conversation about computer games and apparently Dele played to and they both used it as a way to relax outside the game. It was a odd common ground but the entire group had long waited for them to find one so they were basically pushed into leaving the table to try stepping on this new, undiscovered territory in their maybe relationship. They did try and spent the rest of the night playing FIFA on one of Eriksen's televisions. Dele won the two first games but the third went to Harry and then they had to go home. Dele even smiled at him when he and Eric left and for once that smile wasn’t annoying but Harry didn’t smile back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story won't be slow burn but every relationship takes time to build up! Thanks for reading, next chapter will come out on Wednesday next week.


	3. Our Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry also comes to the realisation that maybe in some cases normal isn't the bad thing, maybe in some cases normal can be the goal.

“My love. Daddy and I are a bit worried about you, living all alone out here.”

Mum was sitting opposite him by the kitchen table her hair was colored blonde and the make-up hiding her aging. She didn’t look her age. He drank the tea and shifted in his seat. It was April, there was high probability of him winning the golden boot this season and he was really happy. Not a on season wonder, no. He was so happy he barely didn't care about mums question, it was stupid. Loneliness wasn’t a problem as long as he had a ball at his feet but she was his mum so he answered. 

“I’m fine mum.”

He grabbed her hand and smiled at her, reassuring. She didn’t seem to buy into it but she changed the subject and the conversation was forgotten until the evening when she asked what he usually did at weekends. Harry usually practiced and practiced and practiced but he was pretty sure his mother didn’t want to hear that. 

“Eehe, usually stuff with some teammates, last week we visited a museum.”

His mum gave him a face telling him that she didn’t believe him but he ignored her. He had learned thanks to experience that you should not put to much trust in you parents expressions. They were only humans after all. 

 

He did win the golden boot that season but that was it and during the early early summer they went to Croatia which meant a lot of sun, all inclusive and Charles trying to set him up with every chick they lay eyes on. Harry spent most of his time ignoring his brother, now after testing his theory for a couple of months he was sure of his sexuallity and also relived because that meant it wasn't something wrong with him when he hadn´t felt anything with Katie, it had just been Katie that was wrong. He also spent the holiday trying to make mum smile, grandma had died in May and she hadn’t recovered, not that she had to but he hated seeing her sad. 

When they got home Harry was called up for international duty, it was the Euros and he was filled with excitement, when he got on the plane he ended up beside Eric, Dele was sitting in the same road by the window. Harry could see his legs jumping up and down in excitement and he smiled at that. Dele´s love for football, just like his interest in computer games made sense and Harry could see a less guarded version of himself also having bouncing legs right now. The beginning of the tournament went well, the team didn't work so good together, Harry had to be in a middle position again and didn't get to score but they still managed. Well, for starters, his middle position made him the one who took corners and it turned out that he didn't have a lot of skill in that area, mostly because he had never practiced it, not since Arsenal at least and he rather forget that part of his life. Then they were up against Iceland and they thought they would manage, Sterling would score, Hart would save, he would serve and Dele would do his magic. They lost. Mostly because of him but he didn’t know if he should cry or be relieved it was over so that he could come home to Tottenham and begin scoring again. 

On the plane home, Dele was sitting in the middle but he wasn't saying a word and Harry knew he was sad. He wasn't Eric, who was asleep on Deles other side but he still wanted to comfort. Things were done but they had to keep believing and keep working hard. Dele might only see the dark right now and not the light in the end of the tunnel and Harry really wanted to help his teammates because despite being different in every way possible they loved football and would give everything for it. He put a hand on Deles leg and squeezed, waiting for Dele to push him away, to shut him out. Dele was so closed up, showing feelings didn't seem like something he would do but instead of following Harry's expectations he took a shaky breath and put his hand atop Harry´s and squeezed back. Harry left his hand there for the rest of the ride and Dele didn´t let go. Harry put it to memory, the fact that, no Dele didn't like to talk about his feelings, or liked people seeing him weak but he was still capable of accepting support and maybe that made Harry like him a bit more. The fact that Dele wasn´t just pent up anger and playful smiles but someone who had a hard time accepting when the tide was against him just like everyone else, they had found another common ground. 

The summer came to an end and another season started up. There wasn't much news but the group was closer than the last year and they were really starting to function like a well oiled machine. Mostly because Harry had started being able to stand Dele, maybe even sometimes smiling at him. His impossibleness had started to become a good thing instead of something causing jealousy. 

It was after a really rainy and horrid day at the training grounds that he came into the dressing room a bit to late, okay very late and heard two players talking with low voices. He got closer and saw that it wasn’t two players but Dele Alli and Mauricio Pochettino. Dele was moving around in the room, his movements jumpy and his face a map of worry, not a look Harry had gotten used seeing on him. Harry stepped into a shadowed worried they would see him, this was definitely a private conversation but he was to intrigued to not listen.

“I need the name on my shirt changed, I need it changed now. My bp was sitting in the audience at the last game. I just, I can’t bear his name anymore. It’s not mine.”

Dele had turned and was looking at the manager. Poch looked tired and worried as well and Harry understood that he really really should not hear this conversation but he didn’t want to try to sneak out now, he was scared they would see him. 

“It is up to you Dele. I don’t believe that name belongs to your father but if you think it will actually make a difference then I will see what I can do. It would be a lot of paperwork and I think we will have to apply for the change in every tournament we are in. It’s not sure it will go through this season.”

“I don’t care, just please make it go away as quickly as possible.”

Poch nodded and came up to clap him on the back. 

“I will do that, drive home carefully now okay?”

Dele nodded and they kept talking a bit before Poch left and Dele started changing. Harry backed off a couple of steps before starting to whistle an of key tune and entering. Dele had turned and was looking a bit scared at him but Harry smiled a calm smile like he would have even if he hadn’t heard anything. On the inside he was thinking over what reasons could exist for such a wish, over why Dele looked like he wanted to puke, over what he could do to help. Feeling that he shook his head, usually he didn't care about helping, he cared about scoring and that was it but Dele always had a way of bringing up Harry's caring side, like after the Euros. He didn't know why and he didn't know if he liked it. He was about to try to help, really close before those feelings of wonder had settled but he came to the conclusion that if he would not have helped Christian with this, then he should not help Dele. The only reason he wanted to, was because Dele was his childhood ideal personalised and that was childish. Harry would not help Dele again until it was because he asked for help, he was here for football and not being mental support. If it didn't affect his way of playing then Harry didn't need to know anything. They changed in quiet, Harry never much of a talker, maybe because of al the times Charles had told him that his voice was like a suffocated trumpet and Dele not in the mood because Eric wasn't here. Harry was pretty sure Dele only talked because that was expected of him, he was not a person that expressed himself with words he used his body instead but that didn't work in big crowds. Harry didn't speak with his body, he wasn´t graceful like Dele and it would never make any sense.   
They left the building together and nodded goodbye when going to different cars. Harry drove home to his empty apartment and put on some tea.

They played a couple of games, he got to score a lot which meant he was happy a lot. On one of there free days he was visiting a local football club because he didn't want to be away from football. The children there knew his name and he spent many hours just signing his name on whatever they came up with. Being recognized by people he didn't know outside the football arena was a new experience, something he had long dreamed about but now wasn't sure about. Sure it meant that he isn't normal anymore but it also took a lot of time and it wasn't even close to scoring. Afterwards one of the coaches invited him for coffee and they went to a little shop, in a little town, out in nowhere. The man was nice, had a voice that was calm and a smile that made Harry relax. During the coffee their legs brushed together multiple times and Harry couldn't help but to blush under the mans intensive dark eyes. They kissed out in Harry's car afterwards and Harry could for the first time understand the interest in wanting to have sex. It was like discovering a new toe, but the toe was complicated and would ruin his very well worked out balanced life so he broke it off and left with the man's number in his phone but with no intention of ever calling and a hollow feeling in his chest. For the first time since he started on the real road towards his goal Harry cried himself to sleep over the fact that life really was unfair but in the morning he had training and he scored and everything got better. 

That weekend he, Dele and Eric spent playing video games. Correction, Dele and Harry played video games while Eric did whatever he did when Dele didn´t require his attention. Harry won a lot but Dele was in a good mood so they kept playing without him getting angry and shutting of the game. They were at Harry´s and they were going to stay over for the night which meant he and Dele played to well after midnight and only stopped when they heard Eric actually snoring and realised they might be disturbing him. Quietly they got ready for bed, Dele brushing his teeth looking at Harry through the mirror. Harry met his eyes and smiled thinking about finally being able to tell mum he actually did something social during the weekends. Dele spit out his toothpaste.

“What are you looking at H?”

It was a new nickname Son had come up with and Harry was okay with it. It made him feel like a part of the team for real, like they were a family. The team was certainly the only family he would ever have. Harry turned away from Dele and pressed that thought out, instead thinking about the latest goal he had performed. A long one, which involved nutmegging three defenders. He jumped high when Dele suddenly placed a hand on his lower back. They were very similar in height and that made it impossible to not meet Dele´s brown eyes. They were serious and warm and caring and Dele told Harry that no matter what was going on he was there and Harry wondered when their relationship had become this. From him almost hating Dele to them being each others support, even if it only was sometimes and not regularly. Harry wondered if Dele actually might be his first real friend, he definitely was the first person Harry had ever wanted to comfort and he was the only person Harry had ever thought about telling, telling about Harry being homosexual but he had no idea how Dele would react and risking it wasn't worth the chance of Dele telling anyone and resulting in Harry not being able to score anymore. Harry had to remain sad by himself. Dele seemed to understand that he didn't want to talk and walked past him out to the living room with a clap on Harry's shoulder. Harry followed after a couple of minutes.

They won against Chelsea and it was brilliant and they were filled with joy. Harry had gotten to score and he was brimming again allowing Dele to hug him and Lloris to clap him on the back before sitting down and listening to Poch summing up the game. He was heading home for the weekend and he was going to miss scoring but he was also going to miss the people around him, he was going to miss Dele. Dele who had gotten a yellow card today for another fight and Harry should really be angry with him but he isn't and he is aware of that it doesn't make sense because a yellow card is affecting the game and he is never okay with things that affects the game but now he is and he is a bit mad over the fact that he isn't mad. 

The weekend with his parents is lovely, he spends a lot of time with them just socializing but on Sunday it's a relief to come back home to his empty apartment and be able to think without having someone demanding his attention constantly and never ending. He spends the afternoon relaxing and coming back to himself but on the evening he texts Dele and wonders if he has time for a game. They are being children and start to play Minecraft. During the game they do keep a light conversation flow, easy topics that means nothing but they were still talking and Harry wonders if Dele was extremely lonely today, because talking isn't really a big part of their friendship. 

They play against Liverpool and the second real fight Harry has ever encountered on the pit occur, this time it's Dele again, this time because of his teamper again, this time about something about Dele being street trash. Harry doesn't know anything about Deles past but by the way Dele is reacting he understands that the opposite player does and he also understands that Dele´s background is not a happy one. Harry remembers Dele begging them to change the shirt name, it's still not done. His mindes creates thousand of horrid things that can have happened, he thinks about all articles he has read in news papers about children being molested, beaten, hurt. He doesn't know if any of it is true about Dele but suddenly it makes sense why nobody is never expecting anything of him, why everyone is always so supportive, why he is so closed of. Harry also comes to the realisation that maybe in some cases normal isn't the bad thing, maybe in some cases normal can be the goal. He thinks about that, sure, it has been a struggle for him to get to where he is but he has always had his family, always had support, he wonders if Dele can say the same. The fight is broken of by the referee but Dele only gets a yellow card, Harry doesn't know why but it's a relief and Poch pulls Dele off the pitch directly so that he can't do anything else stupid.   
Afterwards they eat dinner in a fancy restaurant, Harry is sitting beside Dele who is quiet despite the victory tonight. Harry can´t stop himself from putting a hand on one of Deles legs under the table, he is once again expecting to be pushed away but instead, Dele just takes his hand and squeezes it. Neither of them puts any effort in for the conversations for the rest of the night and Harry drives both Eric and Dele home to their seperate places. He drops Dele of last and they sit quiet in the car outside of Deles house for a while. 

“I'm not a pile of sadness.”

Dele says atlast and Harry only nodes in replay. He does know that.

“Sometimes if feels like we are friend but other times it feel like I`m a project for you.”

Dele keeps on going, he sounds like he has been in this argument to many times and is expecting Harry to start yelling at him. Harry has never yelled at anyone ever and isn't about to start. 

“We're friends.”

He answers and hopes Dele will understand and drop the subject. Dele makes a sound but pushes up the car door. He doesn't turn back and smile at Harry like he usually does and Harry drives away with an odd feeling in his lower belly. He understands that Dele is mad at him for something but he doesn't understand for what and what he has done to deserve it. 

The next day everything is back to normal in training, Dele nutmegs Eric, rides on Harry  
Winks´s back and dances around in the dressing room. Harry wonders if he is the only one noticing Dele is avoiding him. 

Afterwards at home he can't relax like he usually does and he makes a decision. 

Outside of Deles house he picks up his phone and texts Dele if he´s home. He is and Harry texts back that he is outside. Dele doesn't answer but then the door to the house opens and his head pops out. Harry leaves to car and they stand in the hallway looking at each other.

“We are very different.”

Harry starts and Dele snorts, that was the exaggeration of the year. Harry rolls his eyes and walkes into the home, it's not as cozy as his, very plain, the only thing suggesting it´s a person that has picked the design together is the strong colors. 

“I´m not good at the day to day friend stuff.”

Harry continues entering the kitchen and putting on tea without asking. When it's done he gives Dele one cup and takes his own into the living room sitting down on the sofa. 

“But I am your friend and I´m sorry if I suck at it sometimes.”

Dele bites his lip, thinks over what he is about to say before answering. 

“You don't suck at it and I know you are my friend it's just that I find it so unfair sometimes how easy your life is. You never get mad, you never do anything bad and you are amazing at football.”

Harry smiles but doesn't tell him that that's not how he sees it instead he only noods and smiles again. Dele smiles back and jumps around a bit before asking if they should play FIFA. Harry agrees and they play until the sun comes back up in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I´m so sorry about not posting sooner but things are as they are and here is chapter three. I really hope you enjoy and like the story so far!


	4. It felt like scoring.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dele was sitting opposite him in dark clothes and his eyes were like dark pools of unreadableness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things get heated!

Harry´s and Dele´s friendship was like a plant, the first months were hard and impossible but then the sun found them and it started growing. Dele was different with him than he was with Eric, there weren't so many jokes and not so much chatter. They spoke more through body movements, activities and smiles but Harry didn't want to change it at all. Dele´s way of being a different person with everyone was intoxicating and it made him feel very special without being special at all. When Harry spent time alone with him, Dele put Harry as the center of the world. Yes, Harry was sure he did the same with Eric, with Winks, with Sonny but he didn't care and it still intrigued him. Dele was his second choice beside football, for Harry who never really had had a second choice before it was odd, like discovering the world was in 5:de instead of in 4:de. It also took a lot more time than he had imagined, Dele demanded that Harry put time on him, like a pet and Harry gave him time without regretting it. They would do everything from sitting inside playing computer games to going outside and guess what shapes the clouds had taken. They didn´t party or drink, not when it was just them and that was also an amazing thing about Dele, he never made Harry something he wasn't. Dele was happy with the fact that Harry was ordinary and in return Harry was happy with the fact that Dele was impossible. 

Being friends with Dele also included accepting having to spend a lot of time with Eric. They were after all inseparable and Harry had learned to accept that but did prefer when Eric was asleep or busy doing something else so that he got all of Deles attention. That was maybe mean and childish but for Harry who had never really cared about having someone's attention before, this was big and scary and exciting and he couldn't get enough. 

It was night and Harry was lying half asleep in bed contemplating a goal miss he had done the other day. It had been the easiest boll ever to put in the back of the net but he hadn't manage, the reason for it was right now Dele, because Dele had taken time away from him and his training but Harry wasn't mad instead he was thinking about how to change where he put his time. He loved scoring and that needed time but he loved hanging out with Dele too and that needed time, then he had to sleep, to eat, to go to the toilet. He was thinking about taking time of the last one but didn't think he had any time to take from that. Maybe he could lessen the time he spent with his family but that would make them worried. He thought about lessen the time he spent with Dele and Eric again, it would work, they had each other and wouldn't be that worried but then he saw Deles smile in front of him, the smile that lit up the world, that smile that was special just for Harry and that smile that Harry could do anything for the chance of seeing again. He wasn't going to give that up. Maybe he would have to start practising faster, he wondered if that was possible. Somewhere in the seas of thought he drifted of and dreamt of a contagious laugh and a smile so wide the sun became second. 

Harry had an empty feeling in his gut, he didn´t know what it was from or what has caused it, he only knew it affected his performance and the fact that he don't know how he would fix it. 

They were watching the game against Cardiff City, both he and Dele was off tonight preparing for the Champions League. Harry wasn't happy about it because that meant he missed a chance of scoring but he understood Poch´s decision. Dele was sitting on the sofa beside him, in black jogging clothes, eating strawberries. They were both anxious for not playing but Harry knew Dele handled it better than him, in total, maybe it didn't look like that on the outside but they had spent a lot of time together and Harry had gotten better at reading him. The game was done at 10 and Dele would be staying over because it was late and they had early practise tomorrow, it was easier and better for the environment to carpool. Harry stole a strawberry in the same second that Eric missed a shot at goal and Dele became a mess because he didn't manage to hit Harry for stealing and yelling at the tv over Eric at the same time. He missed the hand Harry had the strawberry in because of it and instead his hand landed on Harry's grown. The feeling caused Harry to gasp, loud and embarrassing and Dele turned to him within a second, blushing and pulling away his hand. Harry blushed as well and turned his head to the tv, not wanting to look at Dele, the touch burning his skin, still sending electric shocks down his spine, both pain and something else. Something Harry didn't want to think about.

“Sorry H.”

“It's fine Delboy, maybe you actually let me have a strawberry this time.”

“Nah, there mine.” 

Harry rolled his eyes and went back to watching the game, without him and Dele the team lost miserably and Harry decided that was the last time he would skip a game he physically could play. 

Another six weeks went by, they won the Champion league game and the mood in the dressing room lifted six steps. They had started playing UNO and he was only enjoying it because Dele loved it. Dele was also very good at it, as soon as anything involved a competition Dele was a hundred percent in and always a big contender for winning. He was very good at UNO which meant he played it a lot, won a lot, bragged a lot and was in general insufferable. As ordinary Eric shielded the rest of the team from that but for the first time Harry found he wouldn't have minded having to deal with Dele. 

Harry had figured out that the empty feeling was from the fact that he was lonely, he wanted someone to come home to, someone to tell about how his day had been, someone to make coffee for, just someone but in the same time he really didn't want someone, not at home, not in his car, not in his life. Harry wanted to focus on football. 

Harry and a lot of other teammates was lying in a restroom, al half asleep. They had just suffered through a devastatingly hard training session and everyone was dead. He was just about to sleep when Dele entered the room, he had bags under his eyes and was wearing a blue shirt that made him look dashing. Harry looked around and saw that all the beds were taken so without thinking it over he waved his hand and moved a bit so that Dele would fit beside him. He saw Dele hesitate a bit, looking at the other sleeping teammates before coming over and climbing up. They didn't say anything, Harry just shared his blanket and they fell asleep beside one another.  
Harry woke up first, having something heavy in his arms, wondering what Katie was doing in his bed, he was millisecond from pushing her away before the smell hit his nostrils. It was not the sent of female perfume and hair products it was the smell of soap and Dele. His memory catched up and he remembered that he was sleeping in the same chair as Dele. It was a odd feeling and his blood flow went to his cheeks. Maybe because of the fact that they were sharing the same bed. Maybe because of the fact that that thought didn't scare Harry it rather aroused him, thinking about Dele in bed. Maybe because Dele was sleeping with Harry's arms around him, they had definitely not fallen asleep like this. He wondered if it was Dele who had moved into the embrace but drew a line over the thought, it was he who was attracted to his friend, not the other way around and this was not good for his continuing playing. Harry shifted around until Deles body landed beside his own and he could leave the chair for a cold shower and to gather his thoughts. 

It's another weekend and another win and some of the players was celebrating at a restaurant in the middle of London. Dele was sitting opposite him in dark clothes and his eyes were like dark pools of unreadableness. The food was delicious, he ate a bit too much and when they took a sweet course afterwards he ate an entire one by himself because Sonny was too full. To the meal they drank wine and it didn't take long until borders were loosened. Around them was constant chatter, jokes and shrikes. Dele was active in the conversation but after a couple of glasses his eyes, those beautiful dark wells, stopped more and more on Harry until they never left him. Harry in return never let his eyes of Dele and he had no idea what they were doing. He felt flushed all over and he could feel Deles leg jumping up down, down up fast under the table. He knew that meant Dele was nervous or excited over something but he didn't know about what.  
They left the restaurant around 11 pm and walked in a big group down to the Theme. The full moon was out and it cast a dream light over the water. Shadows and figures, light and dark. It was cold and Harry had his hands down his pockets and was shaking a bit. He wanted to get home and sleep, they had training tomorrow and he wanted to be in top form. He wanted to stay and watch the water forever. He wanted Dele to give him attention because he was feeling a bit lonely. As if Dele had heard him he let go of Eric who he had been clinging on and came over. 

“I'm cold.”

His voice was unreadable and Harry had no idea what Dele wanted him to do about that, lucky Dele didn't wait for his replay but just came closer and snuggled into Harry's side. They were very equal in height and Dele had to bend his head to be able to rest it against Harry's shoulder. As an impulse, or from Katies unforgettable, hard couple training, he put an arm around Dele and pulled him closer causing Dele nose to be pressed into Harry's neck.  
They stood like that, Harry didn't know for how long and the voices from the team around him was being removed because his ears was only focusing on the way Dele breathed against his throat. An odd overprotective feeling settled in Harry's core when they stood there, on the shore, in the moonlight but he didn't want to dwell on it and focused instead on the fact that he wanted to remember this moment forever. 

They walked back towards the cars and Dele pulled out of the embrace but took Harry's hand instead and they walked like that, linked by hand. Harry didn’t know if it was the walks in Dele´s hands or the buzz of the wine or the glow from the moon but he felt wild and free and young and safe and home, all in the same breath and he realised something that scared him for the first time since he discovered that he was homosexual, he realised he might like Dele a bit too much. His first instinct was to run the other way, liking Dele would not result in anything good, only pain and missed goals but he manage to calm himself down. Dele didn't know Harry might fancy him and Harry would never tell him or make a move to make it more obvious so maybe it didn't matter. Maybe he could have love in his life and still get to score, maybe the solutions was unresponded love. He squeezed Deles hand a bit, getting excited over the thought, over the new unexplored territory and Dele squeezed back still chatting with Winks about a party this weekend. Maybe Harry could pour al that love he felt he needed to get out of his system into their friendship. When they reached the cars and Dele let go of him to get into a cab with Eric, Harry thought that he perhaps thought like this because of the wine and the day after he didn't even think about those mest up feelings even once, they had a game to win and they would do so. In the end they didn´t.

There was snow outside, a lot of it. Piles and piles of snow and Harry was a bit mad because it did affect the training schedule. He wished they had lived in another country, were the weather was perfect, not to warm and not to cold so that he could keep scoring and keep playing constantly. He drank a bitter cup of tea that morning and when Dele drove into the side of the road and picked him up, the entire car was white. Another problem, Dele was incapable of taking care of his stuff. They were quiet during the car ride, the music was to much rap and to little meaning and Harry was looking out the window at the snowdresed houses wondering if he had woken up in a fairy tale and was right now going to visit Santa Claus. He was incorrect but they ended up late because of to much traffic and to long morning routines, mostly on Deles part but Dele blamed Eric and Harry had never seen the point of correcting someone. Sometimes that would make Dele roll his eyes and tell Harry he was pathetic but this morning he didn't seem to notice Harry didn't return the joke. The training was brutal and there was a lot of snow throwing but they survived and afterwards they went home to Dele to drink warm coca. It was only him and Dele because Eric wanted home to his dogs after staying at Deles the night before. Harry had ignored the jealousy he had felt over that, just like he had done so many times before. 

“Harry! Harry! Harry all eyes on me!”

Harry lifted his eyes from the computer game he was very dedicated to, Dele was standing on his kitchen island touching the roof. Harry raised an eyebrow, it wasn't unusual for Dele to do something completely stupid but today he was grinning in a way that made Harry incapable of moving his focus away from the tall figure. He got up and walked over standing before Dele and looking up at him. Dele looked back down and grinned a lot before sitting down on the island with Harry's body between his legs. 

“I just touched the roof!”

“I saw that.”

Harry's voice sounded breathless, Deles hands was on his chest, not pressing but Harry could still feel them. 

“I TOUCHED THE ROOF!”

“Dele, you are 1.88 of course you could touch the roof!”

Dele laughed as replay and fisted his hands in Harry´s shirt. Their eyes looked. To many feelings bubbled up, Harry didn't have time to catch them, to register them. Deles eyes was dark and Harry wondered how many secrets were dancing behind them. He had no idea about for how long they stood like that, looking at each others faces, Harry would have been happy with staying like that forever but Dele had never been patient. In a low voice he whispered:

“Fuck this.”

Then he pulled Harry, by the shirt into himself and their lips collided. 

Kissing Dele felt like scoring.

And in that moment everything Harry stood for everything he thought he knew, it broke, broke into a thousand pieces and he knew he was never putting them together again because despite just losing everything he thought he knew he was fearless and utterly, utterly alive. Kissing Dele felt like scoring and he didn't know if he was drowning or finally able to breath. 

Pulling apart was like losing an organ, his lips felt swollen, his mind felt confused and his body felt like a mess. Despite that, as soon as he heard that Dele had found his breathing, Harry was there again. Lips against lips, smiles against smiles, hands in hair and hands on bodies. Harry had kissed a lot, he had thought he had known the feeling but nothing like this, never. It was like scoring a banger 42 yards out. They pulled apart again this time resting forehead against forehead. Deles chest was lifting, falling, falling lifting and Harry's hands was tangled in the dark hair belonging to the boy sitting with his legs around Harry's waist. Their eyes met and Harry could as always read nothing from the black onyx color. 

“You have no idea how long I wanted to do that.”

Dele sounded surprised and Harry couldn't help but to smile but reality was coming back, the fact that he had just kissed a team mate. Harry didn´t know if he wanted to start cry or if he wanted to try again. His hands were still in Dele´s hair and Dele´s hands were still on his back, his legs around Harry's waist. 

“I think we should get some sleep.”

Harry whispered into Deles ear and he could feel the shiver running through his friend's body. His friend! Dele pulled away after that comment, he looked away to fast for Harry to get a chance to read his expression but Harry needed alone time, he needed to think, to come back on track. 

After Dele had fallen asleep on the sofa in the living room Harry went out and played football against himself until dawn.


	5. My truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “But then I kissed you.”
> 
> Dele whispered, barely moving his lips but Harry heard him clearly and nodded. Dele touched his lips a bit thougfull.

The next morning Harry had entered his kitchen and Dele had been sitting by the table drinking coffee and eating cereals and Harry hadn't been able to help himself. Despite drilling into his head for the entire night that he would forget about this and go back to only focusing on scoring, as soon as he saw Dele sitting there with a foggy look in his eyes, Harry had gone over to him, pulled him up and kissed him again. Dele sunk into his body, they fit perfectly against each other, Harry noticed and they kissed until the coffee became cold and the clock became late, they kissed so that the sun came up and Eric started wondering where they were.   
That day they came late to training, something that would usually irritate him but for once didn't bother him at all.   
After training they kissed in a closet room. Standing in there, painting with hands holding hard onto one another. 

”Bro…”

Dele whispered smiling.

”I had my tongue down your throat seconds ago, don’t you dare bro me.”

Dele giggled and caressed Harry's chest muscles. His own chest rising and falling, rising and falling. Harry wondered if he would be able to stop finding that attractive, Deles body recovering from their kissing. 

“This is so odd mate!”

Harry nodded, the regret already coming sippering back, this was not okay, this was not him working hard towards his goal, this was him running away from his goal, with a smile on his face and a boy in his arms. He untangled himself and pulled a hand through the hairstyle Dele had just ruined. He looked at Deles face, at the impossible beauty, the sharp cheekbones and those very distracting lips. They still hadn't talked about this, about what this meant, about what this was. Maybe because they both knew that talking about it meant they would have to end it. Dele scratched his eyebrow and got away from the wall he had been pressed against. 

“I thought you had family to visit today?”

He asked as if nothing had just happened and Harry's body was so confused it felt like he was walking in a cirkel. 

“I do, instead I'm here.”

That made Dele roll his eyes but he was walking towards the door.

“I think we need to think.”

He said grabbing the handle. Harry agreed. They did and that time needed to be spent separately, that was obvious. He was a bit confused over why Dele was taking a responsible role, that wasn’t his favorite part to play but Harry wasn’t complaining.

His family and he had dinner at an expensive restaurant on the left side of the Themes. Mum was happy, dad was calm and his brother had a new girlfriend with a ring on her finger. That sign didn't make Harry sad for the first time in forever it made him feel something else. Something exciting, he imagined Dele sitting beside him like this girl did his brother. Dele smiling at his parents like that. It was all impossible of course, their careers would never work out together with a homosexual relationship but the thought of it made Harry feel like when there was possibility of them winning something. All opportunities there, hopes there but the final step missing and never arriving. His brother was getting married within two months, that didn't make the rest of the family take any notice, Charles was getting married every other month but it never actually happened. The girl was only a face in the line of so many others. His mother liked the food, his father chatted about football and Charles was al focused on the chick. It was an ordinary dinner at an ordinary time in an ordinary restaurant. But for once Harry didn't feel like he fit in here, he felt itchy, like he wanted to be somewhere else, with someone else. This felt like a time waster, like he could use his time doing better things, like finding out what sounds Dele made when he kissed down that throat. A bad thought but in the same time, it was the first time Harry had felt real desire, the first time he could understand his brothers heart eyes. Harry would definitely look at Dele the same way, if they had been allowed. Harry wanted a chance to decide for himself if he wanted to be with Dele or not but he had no idea how to make that possible. 

They said goodbye and Harry drove home to his house in a nice neighborhood a bit outside of London's centrum. He expected the driveway to be empty, to get home, take his dog out for a walk and then go to bed but that wasn't the case because one of Dele´s favourite cars was standing parked outside of Harry's house and the light was on inside. Harry wondered how everyone had access to his house keys without him noticing.   
Dele was playing FIFA on the telly and Popcorn was asleep in his lap. Harry put his things down and came into the living room. He was greeted by a tail wave and Dele shifting a bit so that Harry would better fit in the little sofa. Harry had never seen the point of having a gigantic house with expensive stuff and big furniture. After all his home was only a temporary station for him to be in between trainings. Harry dragged a blanket over his legs and leaned back on the sofa watching Dele score against Manchester City on the screen. 

“How did you get in?”

Harry asked after a while.

“Harry, you never lock you back door…”

Dele replied concentrated on the game, with a frown between his eyebrows. Harry wanted to kiss it away but manage to contain himself. It was true, he realised, he never did lock his backdoor but that was because he had a wall surrounding the back garden, only accessed from the road by a tall iron gate and that was looked, Dele must have climbed over it to get in. After surveying the smile Deles lips had going he understood that that was indeed the case. 

“You are impossible!”

“Yes, but that's what you love about me….”

Suddenly the mood changed, Dele had without thinking found the elephant and now boths minds wandered of to this morning, to hand under shirts, to lips against lips, to bodies against bodies. Dele paused the game and shifted so he turned towards Harry entirely, Popcorn didn't enjoy that. Harry could see that Dele didn´t want to talk and he understood that, Dele liked talking as long as he could get a smile out of it, this conversation was not ending in smiles and it would get personal, Dele hated that as well, Harry too but he was older and sort of felt he should take a lot of blame for this. 

“I have known I was homosexual for a couple of years now.”

Harry began looking down at his hands, knowing that he was putting everything on Dele, knowing he gave Dele all the cards, knowing that if Dele ever wanted to hurt Harry - now he had every possibility to do so. Dele didn't say anything so Harry took a deep breath and continued. 

“I had accepted that and the fact that I would never be able to start a family or truly love someone, at least not until my entire sport career was over. I was okay with that, I was okay with just scoring, that made me happy and that happiness was all I needed but then we became friends.” 

He couldn't help but to look up now, to watch Deles face, he was shocked to see Dele looking back. Those dark eyes unreadable as always but he hadn't started yelling ugly things yet so it was a beginning. 

“I have always been normal and you have always been the exact opposite of that and despite that, you noticed me and you wanted to hang around me and I decided that a friend might not be so bad, even though you had a tendency to take my time away from where it should be spent.”

Dele giggled and pated Popcorns head, presumably to take to seriousness away from the situation. Harry took a deep breath for now the real complicated part began.

“But then I started feeling odd being close to you, a tingling feeling, a desire to be closer to you to spend more time with you, to touch you more and I realised that I might be falling for you. First it scared me but then I came to the understanding that since you didn't respond to my feelings nothing would come out of them which meant I had found a way to love someone without it ruining my career.”

“But then I kissed you.”

Dele whispered, barely moving his lips but Harry heard him clearly and nodded. Dele touched his lips a bit thougfull.

“So you actually like me?”

Harry nodded feeling a tingling sensation over the way Dele reacted at the same time he knew this was not good, Dele should be screaming at him, should be leaving the house, should call him disgusting. None of that happened instead Dele just said:

“I think I like you back…”

And Harry's world fell to pieces around him because Deles words meant everything in the same time they meant nothing. It meant everything that Harry finally had a shot at finding a person he loved, a person he might spend the rest of his life with but it also meant nothing because they would still, despite discovering this, both chose football over each other, it was one of their common grounds, a ground they would never sacrifice, always chose football over everything.

Harry opened his arms and Dele sunk into them and they hold onto each other hard and desperate, sad and lonely. 

Half an hour later, when Dele´s stomach was making so much noise that they basically had to make food otherwise he might die, they pulled apart.  
Standing in the kitchen cooking vegetables and pasta, Dele sitting on the counter beside him Harry felt the most sad he had felt in his entire life, he wanted this, he wanted this so bad. He wanted to find out if this was something he would like to do for the rest of his life and it was so sad and unfair that he wasn't allowed to. 

“We could try doing this like a secret thing.”

Dele suddenly spoke up making Harry jump in surprise. Dele rolled his eyes at him and his clumsiness. Harry must look like a question because Dele keeps on going.

“A lot of celebrities do it, keep a secret relationship, I meen we´re young it's not very likely that this is the real thing, maybe it's just a fling that will pass and then we´ll have avoided each other for nothing.” 

Harry didn’t know what to say , it sounded very stupid and he didn't know how to make it less stupid but it would not work keeping the relationship secret in that way. Celebs kept their relationships secret from the public not everyone, if Harry and Dele would try it out they would have to keep it secret from everyone and that wouldn't be a relationship that would just be them acting like it was.

“We would have to tell... like Eric but otherwise who needs to know?”

Dele asked, he had jumped down and was standing looking at Harry's profile. 

“Eric, do you think he would be okay with this?”

“Erik´s gay H.”

Dele sad it easy as if it wasn't something that could ruin Eric life if the wrong person found out. Harry turned towards Dele trying to read the lie in his face, unsuccessfully.

“Are you sure?”

“No but I'm sure he wouldn't care about you being or us dating.”

Harry really liked that sentence, them dating, it made his whole body joyful and excited but it was still stupid and childish and a reminder that Dele was very very young.

“It won't work out Del.”

Harry whispered pressing their foreheads together, getting Deles sent to fill up his lungs. Dele made a sound of protest but Harry stopped him by kissing those plum lips knowing he was doing the exact opposite of what he had just said. They kissed until the pot started to boil over and they had to let go but Harry was hesitant, kissing Dele vs saving his kitchen from being ruined, he already had his answer at heart but the rest of the world would not be okay with it. 

Dele leaned away while he dealt with the food and didn't speak until they sat down by the table. 

“So you are just going to live alone for the rest of your life, that isn't a life Harry, that's like prison or something.”

Harry looked at Dele, at those curls, those shoulders and he knew that Dele would be able to convince him to try this, despite his better judgement, despite everything, Dele would be able to convince him to try this secret relationship thing, them against the world because Dele was impossible and Harry loved impossible things. The thought was scary, like standing in a beautiful forest surrounded by lilies but not having any map to guide you onwards. 

“That's a yes!”

Dele sounded triumfant, like he had just won a game of UNO. Harry rolled his eyes but couldn't help himself from nod and smile when Dele made a goal celebration and got pasta sauce all over his t-shirt. For the rest of the evening they sat entangled on the sofa watching silly programs on the tv mostly occupied with kissing and kissing and kissing. 

The next month went by in a blur, a blur of goals, losses and Dele. They did kiss in the car, in Harry´s house, in Dele´s house, in the park, in a restaurang, in closets and late after the extra training when they had stayed even later than usual only because Harry wanted to train more and Dele being a horny teenager, not that Harry was really complaining. It was a wonder, honestly, that no one discovered them, that no photo of them entangled leaked out, that their lives were still there's but suddenly so much better. Harry was in the seventh heaven and he was pretty sure he would not give this up, at least not for anything except him scoring, the team winning, lucky no choice like that existed so he could kept being happy, keep actually using his home like a home.


	6. Meet my family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dele was handsome, broken and by all perspectives a mistake but Harry didn't care, he fell down the ravine without a second thought and he really was starting to think this was a good idea despite knowing it was not.

“I want to tell my parents to, if we are doing this, I want to tell my parents.”

Harry was standing arranging the pillows on Deles sofa while Dele was chopping vegetables. He stopped as Harry spoke, Harry could feel the hesitance he radiated from across the room but he would not give up on this point. He had been thinking about this for a while, since the Arsenal game when they had won and his parents had been there, smiling and supporting but for once in Harry's life not knowing in what they really should be supporting him in. Harry still didn't know anything about Deles past, except Milton Keynes and Harry Hickford, who he had meat a couple of times, but he knew Dele didn´t have good experiences with older people, for him, what Harry had just said was probably crazy.   
Harry went over to him grabbing his shoulder and leaning their foreheads together.

“I need my parents with me, I need them involved in my life, they will support me definitely.”

“Then why haven't you told them before.”

“Because there was nothing to tell about before. Nothing to be supporting of.” 

“Harry, your parent won't just shrug their shoulders when you tell them, they will care, this means they won't have any grandchildren from you and that will matter to them. Plus, a normal family don´t have gay kids, you will ruin their image.”

Harry looked into those dark eyes, knowing that Dele could be right, knowing he wanted to try this anyways. Dele like always, could read him like an open book and rolled his eyes at Harry's realisation. 

“Do I have to be there when you do?”

“No, they aren't your parents but they might want to meet you afterwards.”

Dele nodded in agreement and the rest of the evening was very pleasant, them playing a lot of computer games, Dele facetiming Eric, arguing a lot and then them falling asleep on the bed with Popcorn warming their feet. 

Three weeks later, with tree wins and one loss, Harry went home to his parents on a monday. They still lived at the place they had always lived at but Charles had moved out and that was a good thing. Mum was sitting out on the terrass when he got there and he kissed her on the cheeks before going inside to find dad. They played golf for the rest of the afternoon but Harry's nerves didn't seem to calm done, Dele´s warning didn´t go away.   
They ate in the living room that evening and Harry tried to find any excuse to not tell his parent but there were none. It was funny how easy it had been telling Dele in comparison, this was his parent, they loved him no matter what, why was he scared?

“Mum, dad.”

His voice gave away that it was a serious conversation because dad lowered the volume of the tv and mum reached for his hand. Harry gave it to her and squeezed.

“What I'm about to tell you you can't tell anyone else, not even Charles understand. I must hear you promise me that!”

Dad turned towards him as well before both made the promises and smiled encouraging. Harry took a deep breath, waited a couple of seconds high pulse beating faster and faster and said:

“Mum, dad I'm homosexual.”

He watched their faces, he could see confusion and awaited the attack, the attack that always came if you watched telly or Youtube or listened to Dele. 

“Omg, how dare you!”

His mother exploded at last and Harry felt that he was close to tears which was embarrassing being in his age. 

“How dare you tell us like that, I thought you had cancer or something!”

She continued and pulled her hand away before getting up and dad rolled his eyes before turning back towards the telly. Harry felt confused but then reality hit him, he was a normal boy in a normal family, why had he even thought that this would be a problem. Maybe because Dele together with so many parts of the rest of the world acted like homosexuality wasn't a normal thing but his family, being the experts, knew of course, that homosexuality indeed was normal. He felt a calm settle over him, yes, he still had to keep his relationship with Dele secret for the rest of the world but his parents was as always there for him, steady pillars in his life, never faltering, never hesitant. He texted Dele saying that everything had worked out well and Dele sent a heart back causing Harry to erase the conversation in total. He went after his mum into the kitchen she looked up at him and smiled.

“I'm sorry honey, I understand that that was a big thing for you. I'm sorry if we didn't react propper but I really thought it was something serious.”

She patted him on the cheek before starting moving dish around Harry went up and started helping her.

“By the way, why can't we tell anyone about that, no one would care sweetheart.”

“Mum, it would ruin my career!”

“Oh, so you are going to prioritise your career over love? Sometimes I really wish you would learn something from your brother!”

“Like how to get a STD?”

Mum gave him a look and Harry raised his hands in surrender deciding to take the next step in the conversation.

“Actually, I´m not avoiding love, I'm just keeping it secret to have both that and my career.”

She turned towards him looking at him, he saw worry, worry over him having to hide his life, having to be embarrassed about himself. Harry wasn't, he just knew the world wasn't as perfect as he could wish for. 

“His name is Dele mum, he plays in my team.”

“The slender boy?”

“Yes.”

“Sweetheart, that boy will only give you problems, he sinks into it like it´s warm water in a bathtub.”

Harry smiled at what, unable to disagree but mum had suffered through many of Charles bad girlfriends and she would suffer through his as well. 

“Wouldn't you like to meet him in real life before taking that decision?”

Mum looked up at him again, touching his cheek again, telling him that she would love to meet the boy but that it would be best if they did it at Harry's place, if he wanted to keep it secret and wondering if Charles could come. Harry agreed and said yes to Charles despite being a bit scared about his brothers reaction. 

He drove home happy that night and made some hot tea before falling asleep. Eric picked him up the next morning and they drove to training while singing to the radio with bad voices and laughter. In training Dele clinged a bit more than he would usually do on Harry but no one else except Eric noticed because it was him Dele would usually be like this on. The training afterwards was Harry scoring, Hugo saving and a lot of passes and Dele trying to do a handstand unsuccessfully like twenty times. Afterwards they went home to Dele and they played computer games until Eric pulled out the plug to the internet claiming that they should do something more brainy. Harry watched for the rest of the afternoon Eric trying to teach Dele how to play chess, he actually learned but never won and when Eric went out to get the chinese food that had just arrived Dele snuggled up to Harry's side and buried his head in the crock of Harry's neck. Harry put an arm around him and started to check through social media.

“We´re telling him right now!”

Dele whispered it into Harry's neck and Harry only nodded slightly. Him telling his parents without problem had made Dele really excited and Harry had guessed that this would come quiet soon afterwards. 

“Please, no cuddling on the living room sofa, use the rooms or something!”

Eric had come back but he smiled when he put the food down on the table. Dele was sitting up.

“You are not in shock?”

Dele sounded suspicious, like he was expecting a fight or an argument to break out.

“Delboy come on! I have basically been waiting for this to happen, this being confirmed. Your attraction is like up the roof!” 

Harry was starting to pull away from Dele, not wanting to press their luck but Dele didn't seem to think that because he sank down into Harry's embrace and put an arm around Harry's shoulder.

“Then you can deal with us cuddling in front of you.”

Eric rolled his eyes but put the telly on some portuguese cooking show before starting to eat, he seemed to agree with Dele. Harry felt his blood boil, this felt dangerous and stupid but in the same time he was really happy. Dele was handsome, broken and by all perspectives a mistake but Harry didn't care, he fell down the ravine without a second thought and he really was starting to think this was a good idea despite knowing it was not. 

Afterwards when Eric was heading home Harry followed him to the door, Eric joking that it was Deles job to do so since it was his home but Dele ignoring them both, his phone was very entertaining. 

“You can't tell anyone Eric.”

Harry whispered it, looking serious at the other man, Eric meet his gaze.

“I would never risk hurting Dele like that but I can almost guarantee you that no one in the team would care at all.”

Harry didn't want to hear that so he only nodded and waved at Eric when he went through the rain, to his car.

Coming back in, Dele had let go of his phone and was lazy laying on the sofa meeting Harry's eyes. Harry was drunk on the way he feel looking at Dele looking at him. Actually Harry was drunk on everything about Dele his smile, his laugh, his kisses, his look, his thought, everything and a bit more even. He went over to Dele and fell down atop of him and they kissed until they eyes couldn't stay open any longer. 

The next weeks were amazing, they won a lot, lost some but Harry got to score a lot. Dele did magic trick after magic trick and at home afterwards they got tangled in sheets, in each others body, in each other's minds, everything was a dance on roses and Harry was starting to go from I like you to I love you but he was not thinking about that because that would cause a whole lot of more trouble, trouble they were not ready to deal with. 

On easter Harry's parents and Charles with a new girl, this one without a ring came over and they did so without warning so suddenly they were standing on his doorstep with food and flowers and smiles and candy. Popcorn got cuddled so much he practically shone with joy. They were all happy and Harry could see in his brothers face, that just like their parents he didn't care about to which sex Harry's heart beat faster for. 

Dele came over that evening, wearing soft clothes and with a sleeping back on his shoulder and when he saw Harry's family in the living room Harry had expected him to say hello and then leave but he said hello, went up to put his stuff away before coming down again and joining them into the game of charades that they were playing. Harry didn´t know if mum had told Charles they were dating but everything worked out fine so he didn't want to change anything. Dele was coaxed into staying for dinner as well and they ended up beside each other by the table and Harry was unable to kept his hands of Deles leg under the table. Charles girl went to the bathroom when they were half through the meal and suddenly the mood changed. 

“Okay, Dele Alli, you are the first person my brother has like ever dated.”

Charles began taping his fork against his glass. Harry gave him a look at the same time he grabbed Deles leg a bit harder, stopping him from running away. 

“Well, he is doing a good job at the moment and since we have been dating longer than you have ever done with anyone I actually don't think you can help any longer Charles.”

Mum had also noticed that Dele had been uncomfortable with Charles attack and had put a hand on her son's shoulder. 

“Yes, so for the moment we would just like to say welcome to the family Dele, I hope you don't find us to weird.”

She smiled and Dele smiled back but Harry could still feel worry rome him, Harry wondered if Dele actually might have trust issues, it definitely felt like that at the moment. Luckily Charles girl came back and the conversation changed to something common and boring.

After the dinner Harry helped mum with the dishes, they talked about something completely pointless, not scoring and not Dele so he didn´t focus much and let his eyes drift. They stopped on Dele and Charles talking on the sofa, while the girl and dad played chess with a board which Eric had forgotten here one day. Harry could see the argument between Charles and Dele getting more heated, Dele pushing up his chest, fisting his hands Charlie starting to pull his shoulders back. Harry dropped the plate he was holding, it was deliberate, to take attention away from the fight and maybe break it up which he manage to but Dele turned around and just left the room and then the house. Harry went after him shoving Charles in the chest in passing before going outside without shoes. Dele was standing by his car, taking deep breaths. Harry stopped in front of him.

“What happened?”

“Nothing, go back into your happy fairy tale family again!”

 

Deles anger calmed Harry because that was an expression and if Dele could express himself then he was still okay. 

“Yes, Dele my family is normal and ordinary but they can still be wrong, mean and human. You can't listen to what they are saying, they have their own agendas.”

“Yes, that you deserve someone better, someone that isn't starting a fight with your brother the first time he meets him!”

Harry understood that Charles had manage to find a weak spot, Dele was actually thinking that himself and that's why he had reacted like this. The thought made Harry feel sad, hurt even. Most of the time he went around thinking Dele was his own private miracle.   
Harry took a deep breath and grabbed both Dele´s hands and pressed them to his chest having words to say and was on the brink of exploding if he didn't get them out. 

”You make me feel. You make me feel so much and I don’t like it, it’s scary and hard and impossible and I don’t like it but still I want you, all of you. Your flaws, your mistakes, your imperfections, your perfections. I have never wanted anyone but I want you and only you.”

Dele looked at him, his eyes a bit wide, not expecting a love declaration in a situation like this but the next second he pulled Harry into him and they were kissing. It wasn´t kind or warm och loving it was teeth and strong hands and possessive tongues but Harry answered because he would always answer to Dele. It was Dele being pressed into the car, it was Harry's hands rooming that body, it was...

Someone coughed behind them and they pulled apart in an instant worry about kissing in open like this hit Harry like a sledgehammer but it was only Charles. He had a slight blush and looked like he rather go inside again but Harry stepped properly away from Dele so that they could talk again. 

“I don't know you and what I said was unfair, I'm not going to take it back but you could change my mind by actually not be that person I think you are from watching all those Tottenham games.” 

“Like I care about your opinion anyways.”

Dele snorted in answer before grabbing Harry's hand and walking inside again, Harry followed and so did his brother. The rest of the night turned into a typical family night with everyone trying to fit on the sofa but no one managed and Harry hugged both his mum and dad and bumped fist with Carles before they went to bed in the guest rooms.   
Dele was sitting on the floor trying to find a lost chess piece when Harry came back down. They cleaned up together and feel asleep tangled around each other in Harry's new master bed he had bought just so that they would be able to sleep comfortably together. He really badly wanted to kiss Dele, maybe do something else to but his parents was not far away and that felt odd. Dele didn't care and kissed Harry anyways for a while before settling on his chest.

“Why did you decide to stay today? I know this is not what you would consider a good evening, having to spend time with parents.”

“I stayed because I know how much family means to you. They are a big part of you and me being in you life means me meeting and interacting with them.”

Dele said it easy, his voice a bit horse thanks to the late hour and Harry kissed him in response for the first time wanting to do something, anything more sexual than kissing but Dele was apparently so tired that he started making sleeping noises the second it got quiet. Harry pulled him closer and smiled to himself in the dark, thinking that he was really, really happy at this moment. 

That season Harry won the Golden Boot once again and Dele once again won The Young Player of the Year Award, they celebrated with a lot of teammates in a local restaurang and there was actually a proposal somewhere down the line, they were to many people for Harry to be able to register what was going on. Eric and Dele was sitting opposite him, Eric with an arm around Deles chair and Dele lost in his screen, His foot was hooked around Harry's ankle under the table. Since the season had just come to and end they had a entire summer in front of them, Dele had decided to come with Harry's family to Italy, to the Manarola coast. It had taken some convincing to get Dele to agree to come with, he would miss is annual visit to Ibiza for it but he had agreed and Harry hoped he had packed as well, they were leaving early tomorrow. Eric on the other hand was going with his family to Portugal and Harry was pretty sure both Dele and Eric would spend the entire tripp in bed having separation anxiety but he couldn't help to be little excited over the prospect of having Dele all to himself for the first time ever.   
A waitress came and poured more wine into Harry's glass, she smiled and tumbled a bit so that they body contacted, Harry had to sit up to be able to help her get stable and Dele looked up from his phone by the lack of contact under the table. 

“I´m so sorry Mr.”

The girl blushed and touched his chest to regain composer.

“Its alright Miss.”

He said back backing a bit so that she would stop leaning into him. She smiled again, put down the wine bottle beside him with a white napkin attached to it before walking away, he looked after her, wondering if she was drunk and she looked back, biting her lip and blushing. She definitely was drunk. 

“Why do they let the waitresses drink at work?”

He turned back looking at Eric and Dele, Eric raised his eyebrow and Dele rolled his eye grabbing the napkin attached to the bottle and pulling it open to show Harry a number.

“She was flirting with you, your nut!”

“OH.”

That did explain a lot but he couldn't help but to think that girl was very unprofessional, thinking about love at work, or maybe he was jealous because that girl so easily could show her interest without worrying about losing her job, her career her name and her future. Dele´s foot hooked around his ankle again. He looked up at him, their eyes meet and Harry smiled at him.

“Your so stupid H.”

Dele rolled his eyes and turned to pat Eric’s shoulder and to shout something to Trippier, now suddenly becoming the life of the party, the focus of everybody's attention. If they only had known where his foot where, then they would not smile at him like that, maybe never again.

**Author's Note:**

> 你好！  
> I needed more Harry Kane/Dele Alli fanfictions in my life, so ta´da. I don´t know how often I will post but the goal is once a week. A warning, there will be spelling errors amongst grammar errors amongst other errors but I hope it`s readable anyways. Thanks for reading and hope you´ll enjoy!


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